Hypnosis for assholes
Hypnosis for Assholes™
Hypnosis for Assholes™ is clinical hypnosis that speaks human. It’s for overthinkers, skeptics, and self-aware people who want change without ceremony, hype, or spiritual performance. This is not stage hypnosis. It’s focused nervous-system work designed to help you stop reacting on autopilot and start responding with choice.
You don’t need to believe anything. You need curiosity and a willingness to practice.
I made this for people like me. Overthinkers with good bullshit detectors. This work grew out of my frustration with wellness language that didn’t match my lived experience, and a desire for something I would actually use.
What This Supports
These recordings are designed to help with:
Racing or looping thoughts
Stress and nervous system overload
Habitual reactions you’re tired of repeating
Difficulty focusing or settling
Feeling stuck despite “knowing better”
People often report feeling clearer, steadier, and less internally combative after using the work consistently.
How It Works
Clinical hypnosis is a state of focused attention combined with relaxation. In that state, the brain becomes more flexible and receptive to change.
Hypnosis for Assholes™ uses that window to interrupt stress patterns, retrain responses, and reduce mental noise. There’s no mysticism and no performance. The work is practical, direct, and grounded in how the nervous system actually functions.
Think of it as training your brain while it’s not under attack.
How to Use the Recordings
These audios are meant for real life, not perfect conditions.
You can listen:
Before sleep
While resting or walking
Between meetings
When your thoughts are spiraling
When you catch yourself stuck in a familiar loop
Each recording is short, grounded, and repeatable. Use them as often as needed. Repetition is part of the work.
How This Fits With My Other Work
Hypnosis for Assholes™ exists alongside my one-on-one work in clinical hypnotherapy, energy work, and therapeutic beauty.
Some people use these recordings on their own. Others use them to support deeper, in-person work. The common thread is regulation, clarity, and agency.
This is about changing how it feels to live inside your own head.
Let’s Be Clear
This is for people who are tired of talking themselves in circles and want to feel different in their body and mind without spiritual theater or flowery language.
If “self-aware and still stuck” hits close to home, this was made for you.
Hypnosis for Assholes.
Welcome to Hypnosis for Assholes ™ A personal essay on hypnosis, skepticism, and changing your mind without losing yourself.
So, you keep fucking up. You say the wrong thing at the wrong time. You care, but you get defensive, and somehow every apology turns into a TED Talk about your intentions. Same.
This isn’t some “live laugh love” nonsense. It’s for the people who want to stop spiritualizing or intellectualizing their bad habits. The ones who know they’re self-aware but keep catching themselves being jerks in real time. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here with you—in the real life mess, in the shame, in the moments where you realize you were the asshole again.
I’ve been called cold. Detached. “Too much.” The Aquarius friend you can only handle in doses. Just this week I pissed so many people off on TIKTOK, I had to turn off my comments. I’m the one people ask for an honest opinion and then get mad when I give it. Whatever. It takes one to know one and I know an asshole when I see one. The thing is, we care dammit! Probably more than we should. And most of the time, we are just sick and tired of masking and when that mask slips—oops we did it again.
So here’s what we’re doing: we’re using hypnosis to get under the bullshit. To make peace with the part of you that lashes out, checks out, or doubles down when you know you’re in the wrong. You’ll laugh at yourself while actually rewiring patterns.
Healing doesn’t have to be punishment. We can leave that to the catholics. You’re human, but stop acting brand new. You cant keep doing this. It’s time to put your big boy panties on and get your act together.
Take a deep breath. Blow it out like you’re clearing the air after a cat fart. Good. Now keep breathing until it starts to smell like a cookie or something. But don’t get too excited because we know you get bingy.
Welcome to Hypnosis for Assholes. You’re in good company. So how do you experience these shenanigans? I will record monthly tracks that will be in the podcast section of my Substack and if you’re getting these emails, you’re already subscribed to the articles. All you have to do is tap on the section titled as such.
PS. Substack works like a mini website but if it gets too challenging for the technologically impaired, I have uploaded lots of options to my main website.
Hugs and pinches-
Jessie